Like Gravity Page 12

  He was laughing, in his element as he soaked up their attention. The sadness that had been etched onto his face as he performed had retreated back behind his eyes and that trademark panty-dropping smile. Or maybe I’d been seeing things.

  I rolled my eyes and turned back to Lexi, who was watching me closely.

  “You like him,” she said, surprise written across her face.

  “No I don’t,” I snapped, forcing a laugh as if she was ridiculous to think such a thing. “And we’ve already discussed this, haven’t we?”

  “No. We talked about you sleeping with him and tossing him aside, like you do all the others. Not that there have even been any others lately – but we’ll get back to that later.” She stared at me, as if trying to decode my brain with just the power of her eyes. “You like him. As in, you care about him. I never thought I’d see the day.” Her voice was laced with something like awe as she continued to look at me.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lex. You know better than anyone that I don’t do relationships or commitments or even emotions.”

  “Then why haven’t you been with anyone else since you met him? Explain that!” She stared at me, triumphant.

  “You know, you’re right. It has been too long,” I said, pushing back my seat and standing up. “I think I’ll go find someone to go home with right now.”

  Sadness and regret instantly flashed in Lexi’s eyes. “I’m sorry I mentioned anything, Brookie. Stay with me,” she pleaded. “Don’t do this again.”

  “Take my guitar home for me, ‘kay?” I tossed over my shoulder, ignoring her as I turned to head for the bar. A quick glance toward the stage assured me that Finn was still busy with his adorning fans. With one blonde on each arm, he certainly wouldn’t be in need of my friendship tonight. I mentally scoffed at my earlier thoughts of comforting him; clearly, I’d been mistaken.

  When I reached the bar, I singled out the guy who’d be taking me home within thirty seconds. It was a talent I’d possessed for years: one glance told me everything I needed to know about a person.

  My bedmate for the night was an easy mark. He was at the bar laughing with two male friends, which told me he was laid-back and likely single. He was drinking a beer, so he was probably straight and wouldn’t be so hammered that he’d have any problems performing in the bedroom. His light green plaid button down was casual, but showed off the muscles in his broad back and mirrored the color of his irises.

  I could have him back at his apartment, naked, within the hour if I played this right.

  Approaching slowly, I made sure to ignore him as I walked up to the empty barstool next to his and leaned over the bar. I waved in the bartender’s direction to signal that I was ready to order, then pushed my dark curls over my shoulder in a gesture designed to appear impatient. If my approach alone hadn’t caught plaid-shirt boy’s attention, the fragrance of my shampoo would do the trick. I bought it on special order and it smelled like apples and cinnamon – something that, apparently, attracted boys like crack. I think its male-enticement abilities would be surpassed only by bacon-scented shampoo, and I was pretty sure John Frieda didn’t make that.

  When the bartender reached me, I ordered a bottle of Sam Adams and paid him quickly. Turning around, I faced the stage and leaned back against the bar, taking a deep pull on my beer. I could feel the weight of plaid-shirt boy’s gaze on my profile as the cool bottle rested against my lips and I swallowed slowly. The tip of my tongue lightly traced the glass rim, and I hid a smile as I heard him clear his throat roughly and shuffle his feet.

  “Hey, I’m Landon,” he said, moving in front of me. “You were pretty amazing up there earlier.” He held out a hand for me to shake, smiling in a friendly, I’d-like-to-see-what-color-your-panties-are kind of way. His blond hair was lightly tousled and his eyes were gorgeous up close – green with flecks of hazel throughout.

  Perfect.

  “Brooklyn,” I said, smiling flirtatiously and placing my hand in his. This was going to be even easier than I’d expected.

  “Don’t you know it’s not good to drink alone, Brooklyn?” He laughed.

  I sidled a glance at him, winking. “Good thing you’re here to keep me company then.” He grinned and I downed the rest of my beer.

  Two beers – courtesy of Landon – and thirty minutes later, I was feeling buzzed and ready to leave. I was anxious to get away from Lexi’s accusations and Finn’s flock of women. I’d purposefully avoided looking in his direction, then immediately scolded myself for doing so. If I couldn’t even watch him flirting with other girls, he was even deeper under my skin than I’d realized before. I needed Landon to help push Finn from my mind as soon as possible. Maybe then I could finally get back to normal.

  Part of my mind was screaming at me, even as I allowed Landon to lead me toward the exit.

  Is this the person you want to be, Brooklyn?

  Do you really want to go back to being the guarded, selfish, self-preserving whore you were a few months ago?

  What about all the progress you’ve made with therapy and Lexi and Finn?

  Just thinking his name had me pushing away that annoying inner voice and snapping back to reality. It was suddenly easy to lace my fingers through Landon’s and follow him to the exit, once again eager to leave.

  Near the club door, Landon bumped into a table of his fraternity brothers and stopped briefly to talk. He introduced me, laughing and blushing as his brothers made crass and utterly unoriginal comments about him “getting lucky” tonight. I rolled my eyes and waited impatiently for him to move on.

  When nearly five minutes had passed, I tapped Landon on the shoulder and told him it was time to leave. Turning toward the door, I cast one final glance behind me and, to my dismay, locked eyes with the one person I’d been determined to avoid.

  I grinned halfheartedly at Finn, but felt the smile drop off my face as I registered the anger in his eyes. His dark blue irises were steely with rage as they glared at Landon, who’d just placed his hand on my ass in an attempt to usher me out. When I didn’t move, Landon leaned down and kissed my neck.

  “Come on, babe, I thought you wanted to go?” His breath was too warm and smelled like beer; it made my skin crawl. There were no butterflies, or chills, or stuttering heartbeats – just an intractable sense of wrongness. I ignored the feeling, pulled my neck away from Landon’s lips, and tore my eyes from Finn’s.

  He’d ignored me for an entire week, and now he was furious that I was leaving the bar with someone? Well he could go to hell, as far as I was concerned. Either he had some kind of multiple personality disorder, or I was missing some crucial information.

  “Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s go,” I said, setting my shoulders determinedly and ignoring the ache in my chest as I allowed Landon to pull me through the exit.

  Thankfully, it wasn’t a long walk to Landon’s apartment. He lived about three blocks from the club, in the same neighborhood as me. I tried to remind myself how hot he was as we stumbled through his front door, his lips fused to mine. When his tongue entered my mouth, I responded on autopilot, unable to engage on a deeper level. Groaning in frustration – which Landon no doubt assumed was passion – I pulled off his shirt and ran my hands over his chest.

  His six-pack was a chiseled work of art. If I’d met him months ago, I’d have gladly spent the night tracing my tongue along each indentation in a show of my appreciation. But tonight, I wasn’t going to waste any time. I needed him to clear out my mind.

  Lexi used to say that I treat sex like a trip to the masseuse or the chiropractor – like a romp between the sheets was nothing more than a good back stretch or spine cracking. I’d always laughed when she’d said it, but deep down I knew it was true. I’d used sex to scratch an itch, nothing more.

  Until I’d met Finn, and started to care.

  I knew instinctually that sex with him would be different. I also knew that what I was doing with Landon right now couldn’t hold a candle to the fanta
sies I’d had about being with Finn, let alone compare to what actually sleeping with him might be like.

  My grey tank top hit the floor, followed quickly by my bra. Landon’s hands cupped my breasts too clumsily and roughly to even remotely turn me on. He was slobbering on my neck, murmuring between openmouthed kisses.

  “You’re so fucking hot, baby.”

  “Don’t call me baby,” I said immediately, muscles tensing under his touch.

  “Okay.” The slobbering continued as I stood unresponsive, my hands at my sides. “You’re so fucking hot.”

  His hands reached for the button on my jeans, and I knew I had to put a stop to this before he went any further. Glumly, I admitted defeat – his touch couldn’t drive Finn out of my mind any more than alcohol or denial could.

  I was screwed. And not in the literal, good sense of the word.

  “Landon, stop.”

  To his credit, he did stop immediately. Some guys probably would have been assholes about it – complaining or even trying to force me to continue. But Landon was understanding when I told him I needed to leave.

  “It’s cool,” he said, grinning and running a hand through his messy blond mop of hair. “You ever change your mind, though, you know where to find me.”

  I laughed as I put my clothes back on and said goodbye. He wasn’t a bad guy. I knew he’d be a good boyfriend to someone someday – just not to me.

  Thankfully, the walk home was short. I hadn’t worn a jacket to the bar and the temperature had dropped in the hours since I’d left my house. I rubbed my arms with my palms, trying to work some warmth into my limbs as I turned onto my block. To my surprise, a familiar black pickup truck was parked in front of my house.

  I approached cautiously, noting that the truck was still idling and that Finn was probably sitting inside. I’d stopped just short of the passenger window when I heard the engine cut off abruptly and the driver’s side door flew open.

  Finn rounded the front of the truck in a blur, grabbing me by the arm and planting my back flat against the passenger door before I could even formulate a protest. He glared at me, his face mere inches from mine. A muscle worked in his jaw as he tried to get control over his anger.

  “What do you think you’re doing? Let me go, Finn,” I glared back at him, tugging my arm from his grasp. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but I’m going to scream if you don’t back off.”

  “You don’t know what my problem is? That’s perfect,” he barked out a laugh, but there was no humor in it. His hands ran through his hair in frustration. “You. You are my fucking problem, Bee.”

  He was calling me Bee again. He’d only done it once before, so I’d dismissed it – but here he was, using it was again. No one ever called me Bee. It had been my mother’s special nickname for me. I decided to let it go, for now; it seemed I had to pick my battles tonight.

  “What the hell does that mean?” I asked, incredulous.

  “Did you fuck that guy tonight?”

  “That is absolutely none of your business! Now let me go!”

  “NO!” Finn roared in my face, his anger reaching a new high. “I can’t let you go. I can’t. And believe me, I’ve tried really fucking hard. It’s impossible –You’re impossible.” He blew out a harsh breath, and some of the anger cleared from his face. He seemed defeated, suddenly. “I didn’t know how hard this would be. I wish I could say that if I’d known, it would have made me stay away from you. But I can’t, ‘cause I know that’s not true. There’s literally nothing that would’ve keep me from coming back to you once I’d found you.”

  I had no idea what he was talking about at this point. His eyes were wild with a desperate intensity I’d never seen before, and he looked like a man close to his breaking point. Honestly, he was starting to frighten me, and I was dangerously close to delivering a swift kick to his balls and making a getaway.

  As I was contemplating escape options, he startled me by gently cupping my face in his hands. Anger shifted to tenderness so rapidly I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it had happened. His blue eyes pierced mine with a look of steadfast resolve, as if he’d suddenly made a decision about something, and I had the overpowering urge to run far, far away from whatever he was about to say.

  “I stayed away from you all week, trying convince myself that I didn’t need you. I knew I should stay away from you, that I shouldn’t pursue this. But then I saw you leaving with that douchebag at The Blue Note and I lost it. I can’t even—the thought that—” He broke off, unable to even say the words. “Did. You. Fuck. Him.” He ground each word out, as if it caused him physical pain to expel them.

  “No,” I said, glaring into his dark blue eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business. I can fuck whoever I want, Finn. You certainly do.”

  “I haven’t been with anyone since I met you.”

  What?!

  I pushed my shock aside and scoffed. “Yeah, right. And even if that’s true, why would I care? It’s not like I give a damn who you’re fucking.”

  In a flash, the anger was back. “Don’t do that. Don’t trivialize what’s between us. Don’t think you can pretend with me. Your little indifferent act might work with everyone else in your life, but I see through it. And you know what I see, Bee?” He paused, leaning in so close our noses grazed. “I see fear. You’re scared shitless that you feel something for me, ‘cause god for-fucking-bid you actually had to let down those walls you’ve built around yourself and let me in.”

  My mouth gaped open like a fish as I tried to conjure a response, a denial, even a laugh – anything to steer this conversation into safer waters. My mind was reeling, though, and I couldn’t form a single sound. I simply stared at him, adrift in a state of shock. Years of shutting out my emotions had left me utterly incapable of processing his declaration, let alone how I felt about it. Maybe Finn recognized this about me, though, because he continued to speak, undeterred by my silence.

  “Since the second you woke up in my arms on the sidewalk that day, it was only a matter of time until we got here, to this moment. We were inevitable. You know it. I know it.”

  “You barely know me. And if you did…you might not like me so much any more. I’m sure you’ve heard my reputation…” I swallowed my embarrassment, looking anywhere but at him.

  “It doesn’t matter, Bee.”

  “But–” I protested.

  “Look, I can’t fucking explain it, okay? I’m no good at this. All I can tell you is that it feels like the most natural thing in the world for me to be near you – like I was put on this earth just to breathe your air and tell you how beautiful you are. To make you laugh at my dumbass jokes, and hold you in my arms when you’re sad. And I don’t want to control you, or own you, or change you. I just want you, no matter who you are or what your past is. I don’t care about the other guys, or anything that happened before we got together, because all that shit made you you.” He inhaled deeply. “Being near you, Brooklyn…it’s like breathing. I don’t have a choice about it; I just have to do it or I know I won’t survive very long.”

  His eyes were so startlingly earnest as he spoke the words, there was no way I could doubt the truth behind them. I’d thought he was done, but apparently he still had more to say; when he continued speaking, his tone had gentled and his gaze had grown serious.

  “Even when I’m not with you, I can feel myself being drawn wherever you are, like a goddamned physical tether connects us. And it’s not going away; if anything, it’s getting stronger the more time I spend with you.”

  He swallowed roughly.

  “I’ve never felt anything like this before, and I know you feel it too,” he said, his voice low. “It’s undeniable – like a magnetic force. Like gravity. And it’s not something I can control, or change, or stop. It just is.”

  His eyes softened as he recognized the raw fear in mine. “Don’t be scared, Bee. Don’t you know I’d never hurt you?”

  “I know that,” I whispered, reali
zing it was true as soon as the words left my mouth. He’d been protecting me since the day we met. From fire hydrants, from Gordon, even from myself.

  He slowly leaned toward me, resting his forehead against mine and closing his eyes. “I don’t think I can stay away from you anymore,” he admitted quietly, exhaling a breath and trying to shake off some of the tension in his shoulders.

  “Then don’t,” I said simply, my mouth twisting up in a smile as his eyes popped open. His blue eyes stared into mine for a fraction of a second, evaluating whether or not I was serious, and then his mouth crashed down against mine.

  His lips were demanding, his tongue tracing the seam of my lips and seeking entrance almost immediately. He backed me even more firmly against the truck, his body pressed flush against mine. My hands found their way into his unruly dark hair and I pulled him closer, standing on my tiptoes to reach him.

  He smelled deliciously of fall again, and tasted even better. I grumbled a complaint when his mouth left mine to trail kisses along my jawline and down my neck. He laughed at the sound, a dark sexy chuckle that nearly set my panties on fire with want. Needing more, I hooked a leg around his waist and tried to pull him closer. He must’ve shared my thoughts – his hands immediately cupped my ass as he lifted me from the ground, allowing both my legs to wrap around his waist as he held me pinned against the truck. Tugging on his hair, I managed to get his lips off my neck and back on mine.

  Usually when I kissed someone new for the first time, there was an adjustment period – a few fumbling moments spent learning how his mouth moved and adapting to it.

  It wasn’t like that with Finn. It was like our mouths knew each other, like my lips had been designed to fit exclusively with his. I wasn’t a religious person; I didn’t believe in past lives or reincarnation. But if someone had asked me in that moment if I’d ever lived before, I would’ve said yes, because I must have known Finn before this lifetime. Kissing him was like coming home after an impossibly long journey – one so long I’d not only forgotten what home looked like, but that it even existed in the first place.